Thursday, December 10, 2009

Gone

Am I such a wasteral you?

Did you think I was such a hypocrite?

Did I break you so bad that you wouldnt accept me?

Wasn't I the best I could be?

Couldn't you have just given me some slack?

No you wouldn't get a trophy but atleast you knew now.

You wished to return things back to normal

yet you ignore me as if I killed many

I needed you so much but you weren't there.

or were you?

You had to entertain them.

Yes you loved me and worked your hardest to get me everything I want.

but didn't you notice it wasn't what I wanted?

Yes I know what I did was wrong

but to the extent that you fear that I'll become such a villain due to that?

I've been doing it for 2 years.

Yes it was behind your back but I didn't like it either.

Do you fear that all this while, what you saw and knew wasn't me?

I was always myself.

I always loved.

I always was there.

But you've placed me in such position I cant speak.

You've made me stay away from the only place I called sanctuary.

You called me a coward for trying to avoid you

and I admit. I am. I'm weak.

I'm so weak that I cant help breaking your heart.

I thought you'd let me be me.

but instead you wanted me to be someone else.

A mirror of what you wished you were.

Didn't you?

I always felt what I did was never enough.

You kept singing praises of others.

Didn't you know that it let me down.

I gave alot more then you knew.

My friends.

My love.

My physical state.

at one point my mental state.

You said you were all alone, yet you wouldn't bother to open up anymore.

Do you hate me that much?

So many times I've kept thinking what would be like for all of you if I were gone.

Do you know what it'd do to a person.

To imagine how he never existed. It would drive him insane.

You told me countless of time how you wished you never have met him.

But didn't you know that you were wishing I was never here as well?

Your fears of me not supporting you later in the future.

I swore myself it would never happen.

Even death be upon me.

I swore on myself that I wouldn't be that villain you saw when you were young.

I swore on the Quran that I would never have changed.

I am me.

But I fear I'll be gone before you noticed that.

All this while. I was me.
This was probably the 2nd time I thought of doing it.

But I reminded myself why I didn't do it before.

I have never wished ill nor bad mouth you in front of a crowd of 1200.

Yet you seem so easy to do it.

You said my ego was to high.

Guess where I got it from.

Mother.

I'll get out of your hair before you know it.

I'll be gone before you know it.

I'm sorry.

your love is like a shadow at 8:20 AM
0 said we can't be wrong together

Sunday, November 29, 2009

he smile

For two different days
I listened to two different girls
one from the past the other from the present.
I just sat there and listen to her story.
Her love life and how she met her prince charming
and I listened to the other's fear of losing hers.
I listen to their fights as if I was there.
I listen to their side of the story as if I knew what had already happened.
I smiled as they keep rattling on and on.
how he swept her feet and how he made her smile.
how scared she was for him and how she loved him all her life.
I find it ironical how she talked to me about him but never noticed Im mentally never there.
I find it ironical how she could remember word for word
and the other was lost for words.
but I smiled.
At that moment it didnt hurt, not one bit I told myself.
they're happy.
yet I'm sad.
but I smiled.

I'm not feeling to good. in fact I feel down as a mutha f*cker. haha I've decided to post up a short story/poem whenever I feel down. makes it seem interesting. if you can sum up all the short story it'll tell you something ;]. anyway take care busy busy busy

your love is like a shadow at 7:45 AM
0 said we can't be wrong together

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Mister,Mister

I was smoking at a park bench one day when a a few kids came up to me
"Mister,mister why are you smoking?" asked a blue eyed child.
"I have things on my mind kid, now excuse me" I answered.
"Mister,mister why do you wear a ring " asked a boy.
"It reminds me of who i was and who I am" I sighed.
"Mister,mister why aren't you smiling?" a little girl ask.
"I sold my happiness to debt and guilt" i answered again.
"Mister,mister why arent you with your friends?" a blonde boy questioned me.
"I traded it for responsibility and dedication" I said under my breathe.
"Dont worry Mister we'll be your friends" all four answered in unison.
I smiled as the kids waved good-bye but deep down my heart sank so deep.
& for once my cigarette tasted so bitter.

I feel like crap these few days. Uploading pics on friday.

your love is like a shadow at 6:07 AM
0 said we can't be wrong together

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

a day at the beach

your love is like a shadow at 1:00 AM
0 said we can't be wrong together

Thursday, November 12, 2009

photo update

yos. so much stuff has been happening i cant be arsed to updated but heres are some photos and captions. you know what to do

Today

(couple shoot)

awwww

i dunno why JY is so photogenic

peekaboo!

i just love taking photos of this couple.call me weird

I swear LJ look lik Adrian Pang. He's also in water polo you know

Sushi outing (Weds)

the salmon was sooo soft waaaa~

the octopus however was hard. going back there 2nd dec :]

Nad has suushii

I was stold i could stop time D:

I so had to upload this though it was blurry

Due2 budak muker stone.BAIK AH

AH HAI WUSSAP.

Tuesday

I has pocky D:

omnomnomnom

aperdaah

OPEN WIDE~

Last Sun dinner after work at Sempang Bedok

Afiq with his texting

yes thats my boomz hair. yes thats a fucking hug mug.

pick syafiq from work only because the taxi on my bro side not enough space

asal nad muker stress?

(Y)

your love is like a shadow at 8:13 AM
0 said we can't be wrong together

Thursday, November 5, 2009

happy birthday

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM & DAD

this is the lady who raised me and my brother to be better person

remind us how important is education

telling us we can do anything if we wanted to; all we needed is a little push

this is the man who stopped me before I took the wrong road when i asked

" Ayah, kalau abi jadi jahat ayah boleh jage mummy tak?"

his answer was so simple " No, I want you to jage mummy"

thats the man who taught me to laugh at every simple thing in life

the man who taught me that hardwork always makes you stronger

this two people though they barely speak to each other

raised 2 children and taught them values and principles.

I love them all my heart

anyway me and dad was planning a surprise for mom to bring her out to lagoon but the plan was found out and she told me and dad she'd be tired so i made other ideas >:)

after school rushed to habibi which is f'cking expensive this days and bout chili crabs, sting ray and sambal kangkong.

went back and headed to the bakery up the hill infront my house and bout chocolate moose. haha

bout to cross the traffic light when I saw dad opposite the street. so I teman him la get stuff for tomorrow work.

when we got back mom saw the cake and went " I knew he'd buy that" but what she didnt know was that I bought habibi :D

I prayed fast and set up the table while dad cooked the rice. Gosh wish you could see her face.

Like a little girl. Ironically the food was almost gone when the rice was already cooked.

buwahahah sad seh

Anyway had fun and stuff. I didnt talk much though. was too happy seeing my mother smile.

haha im odd arent i? anyway enjoy the pictures :D

cake~

whooo my mom blew the candles in 1 shot

bapak i rock :D

sting raaaayy~~

khai with his nonchalant face haha

Ayid : And then she was like bla bla so i was like oh yeah
Riyas : I see

Hafiz : Burger!!!

Bubu: nomnom burger nomnom

couples this days everywhere want to hug. so cute that it makes me sick :P

paradise boy

hafiz!

JY & LJ approved by eddie :D

i see the light!

eddie :D

Labels: come tomorrow I'll be gone

your love is like a shadow at 5:07 AM
0 said we can't be wrong together

Sunday, November 1, 2009

when you cant wake up

when you cant wake up in the morning and sleep at night.
when you cant eat during lunch but your stomach is grumbling in the evenings
when you cant laugh if your friends make stupid jokes or cry when something bad happens

either you're in love, having a bad day or both.

welcome to my life now go fuck yourself

Labels: go fuck yourself

your love is like a shadow at 11:03 PM
0 said we can't be wrong together